In a task worthy of a deadly serious videogame
A piece of travel writing.
We went idly down a street in an idyllic small town in the wondrous Peru. We were prepared to enjoy the beautiful native tongue of the Peruvian people. Alas we were horrified of the obscenities of the language we recognised, English. Two Peruvian brutish personages had the following conversation:
- 1 man : Hola fuckface!
- 2 man: ´Sup assface?
The conversation continued thusly as the two men shared what one can only hope to be a mere cigarette.
- 2 man: .... good shit...
- 1 man: Yeah... (exhales) ...Real good!
Needless to say we felt faint. Horrified, we semi-ran from the place only to find ourselves faced with a petite woman who was selling dead blackbirds, pigeons and eagles. We kept on walking and suddenly found ourselves in a shady bar called Uranus. We could not grasp why only male personages were to be found at this particular bar and almost all of them eating Pringles or Mc. Donalds. Even more confusing to us, was the fact the some of the men were applying Christian Dior Red Devil lipstick. Suddenly it hit us, like the bullet that hit President Lincoln, we were at a gay-bar in a small town in Peru. This was too much for our wee nerves, so we bolted the joint with such speed that we dropped our copy of “to Kill a Mocking Bird” and our faces depicted the figure in the painting “the Scream”. ...
In the evening, after a plenty amount of soothing tea, we started to walk towards the bus station. However, both our personages became trapped in the most atrocious labyrinth of signs. One could only assume what the signs meant, but since it being close to midnight and we were clinging to each other we hoped they depicted wholesome meanings, such as:
- Stop
- Drugs not allowed
- Walk
- Do not step on the grass
- Smoking allowed
- Please do not touch feed the dogs
Finally, after a strenuous day, we got on the bus to the airport. Alas our troubles were not over yet. Firstly and obese woman carrying spring onions, vidalia onions and yams created a small yet very forceful scene do to the fact that a baby was strapped to a bazooka while it uttered the words “gag a ga” and aimed the bazooka at the obscenely obese woman who could not get out of the line of fire.
Thus one can only conclude that a trip to the Peruvian small town life is a task worthy of a deadly serious videogame.
By Heine and Malene
Neologism of the day
14 hours ago
Tough stuff to integrate, but the fantastic flavour that your title gave you actually helps quite a bit (w. the bazooka, for instance). Most of the stuff is quite well-integrated - the gay bar scene is the funniest! The birds were probably the ingredients that still could use some work at becoming natural...
ReplyDeleteThis was fun reading! Especially the part about the baby and the obese woman. There are many shifts in your story which makes the story more interesting. At first it appears very serious and then you shift over to talk McDonalds and Christian Dior Red Devil lipstick (I like the fact that you mention the whole name of the lipstick)and the obese women etc.
ReplyDeleteThe parts about the onions and the birds could perhaps have been better incoporated. It does not have the same flow as the other elements.